Peanut was the first president to be born in an actual hospital. He was then taken from that modern hospital to a house with no electricity and no running water in the Deep South. By all accounts, Peanut was a little shit growing up, stealing from the church collection plate and shooting his sisters in the ass with a BB gun. His father, a peanut farmer, despite the fact that he was an inbred redneck, did his best to increase the family’s wealth through a series of schemes. Peanut’s father was moderately successful, and to show off, the family installed a dirt tennis court. Peanut was the first member of his family to graduate high school, and deciding it wasn’t good enough, joined the Navy, studied nuclear physics, and eventually worked on nuclear submarines. Early in his Naval career he married his sister’s friend Rosalyn Smith, and then drug her around the country from post to post.
Peanut eventually decided that the illustrious career of a Navy officer wasn’t for him and resigned so he could return to his father’s peanut farm, which was pretty much broke. Peanut had no money, to the point his family even had to live in subsidized housing for a time. As a result, Peanut did not find peanut farming as much fun as he thought it would be, though he did once think he saw an UFO, so he decided to go into politics. While initially not very successful, Peanut started winning after he began to pretend that he was a terrible racist. This success through lying made Peanut decide that he was qualified to be president. In 1976, he ran for president, and despite being a long shot candidate, managed to win thanks to the fact that no one had any idea who he was, so therefore, he must be better than the current crop of lying assholes. It probably didn’t hurt that he gave a shocking interview in Playboy magazine where he admitted to the fact that he sometimes thought about naked women who were not his wife.
Peanut entered the White House, taking the oath of office under a giant peanut balloon. He then fretted so much about what he was supposed to do that he ended up doing nothing. About all he accomplished was changing which side of his head he parted his hair on and learning how to speed read. Peanut was a bit of a micromanaging prick. It was so bad that he even personally maintained the schedule for the White House tennis court and bowling alley. Wanting to look like a man of the people, he often had himself photographed carrying his own luggage. The suitcases were actually empty. He also ordered his Secret Service agents to never talk to him or even look at him. Which is probably why they did little to help him when he was attacked by a killer rabbit while out boating, forcing him to fend off the angry critter on his own with a boat paddle. Peanut was not re-elected in 1980, probably because when the economy went to hell he gave a speech that basically said everyone was fucked.
Following his presidency, Peanut went back to his peanut farm, but discovered that he was still pretty terrible at it. To make ends meet, he wrote and sold his memoirs, and when they did well, started writing down whatever shit came into his head. This of course then led to Peanut founding several humanitarian organizations which helped people forget what a shitty president he had been. Peanut is still alive today, though he once almost died of brain cancer. Peanut mostly spends his time bad mouthing every single one of his successors, meeting with foreign dictators (whether they want him to or not), and generally pretending that his opinions still matter.
Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:President_Jimmy_Carter_and_Rosalynn_Carter_-_NARA_-_173433.tif