Bubba’s dad was a travelling salesman named William Blythe who spent most of his time seducing women. Bubba’s mama was Blythe’s fourth wife. The previous three marriages, two of whom were sisters, ended because of his roving eye. Three months before Bubba was born, Blythe died in a car accident. His mother reacted to this tragedy by leaving her newborn son with her parents and going to nursing school. Bubba’s grandparents were strong disciplinarians who forced him to learn how read by age three. After nursing school, Bubba’s mama returned and re-married. This time to an alcoholic abusive used car salesman named Roger Clinton. For some reason Bubba decided he should look up to the man and legally changed his last name to Clinton. It wasn’t long before he bought an El Camino and put AstroTurf in the back.
Bubba was an excellent saxophone player and planned on being a professional until he met President Sexotron, who showed him you could get laid just a much being in politics. Bubba went to law school, dodged the draft by going to England, smoked marijuana but did not inhale, and got married to Hillary Rodham after being turned down by her a couple of times. Once out of college, Bubba went into politics, something he turned out to be rather good at despite his propensity for involving himself in real estate scams and groping any woman who dared to let herself get within reach. Bubba was white, good looking, and charming, meaning he could pretty much get away with anything. This charisma led him to getting elected president in 1992 and re-elected in 1996.
Bubba might have been president, but he was also still a redneck. He and his wife often had loud fights, full of cursing and throwing things. Both were described as paranoid. Bubba loved going jogging to improve his health, though this was probably a moot point given that his jogs always ended at McDonalds. For Bubba, a healthy meal was a tall glass of Kool-Aid and a whole apple; core, seeds, stems, and everything. During his presidency, Bubba continued having affairs, the most famous of which was with a chubby twenty-two year old intern named Monica Lewinsky. When Hillary found out about the affair she hit Bubba with a lamp. When the U.S. government found out, Bubba lied about it, and then tried to distract the nation by ordering the military to bomb Africa. This led to Bubba getting impeached for perjury and America learning all sorts of interesting facts about stained blue dresses and where Bubba liked to put his cigars. Despite it all, Bubba prevailed, avoiding impeachment, setting a legal standard that fellatio is not sex, and redefining the word ‘is’.
When Bubba and Hillary left the White House, they stole pretty much anything they could get their hands on and trashed everything else. Not being fans of Bubba’s successor, they also left obscene messages on all the phones and stole all the W’s from the computer’s keyboards. Bubba has spent his retirement writing his memoirs, golfing, working the public speaking circuit, and supporting Hillary with her own political ambitions, which pretty much began the moment his ended. Bubba is still alive today, probably getting into all sorts of shenanigans.
Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Bill_Clinton_1999.jpg