Jay Ty was a little man (funny how so many of these guys were little) who resembled some kind of sickly vulture. A sickly vulture that suffered from constant diarrhea throughout its life. He was born to an aristocratic plantation family and studied economics and law, becoming a lawyer when he was only 19. When he wasn’t studying, Jay Ty took up the common plantation owner hobby of impregnating his slaves, but Jay Ty added his own little twist, selling his bastard children to other plantations. When ruining the lives of enslaved people got too boring, he got married to a woman named Letitia Christian and pumped out eight legitimate children.
Jay Ty never really wanted to be in politics, but his family and friends kept pushing him into it and he was too much of a sissy to just say no. This resulted in him becoming Vice President in 1841. Not really wanting to be Vice President, Jay Ty took the mature route of just not showing up to work, staying home at his plantation. However, President Tippy cleverly thwarted Jay Ty’s plan by immediately dying. At the time there were no real rules for what would happen if the president died. Jay Ty solved the problem by moving his shit into the White House and declaring himself president, which he apparently thought meant dictator. This marked the first time a person had become president without ever being elected.
Jay Ty’s ascendency to the presidency made his wife, Letitia, so happy that she just up and died. Feeling that he did not yet have enough kids, Jay Ty got remarried to a woman named Julia Gardiner, who, as befitting a man in a powerful position, was 30 years his junior. Julia was a bit of a firecracker. She had been a controversial model in New York, getting her picture taken for a clothing store ad with a man who was not a relative (the horror). Her appalled family had sent her to Europe to make her more of a conservative lady, which even back then did not make a bit of sense.
Jay Ty was not a popular president. He never had a Vice President (given his own method of becoming president, who could blame him), his entire cabinet resigned en masse, his own political party disowned him, several attempts were made to impeach him, and he was often called the least popular man in America (which given the times was no small feat). Unsurprisingly, Jay Ty failed to win re-election in 1845.
After leaving the presidency, Jay Ty moved back to his plantation and pumped out seven more kids with his hot young wife. His neighbors, being assholes, put him charge of keeping the local road in good condition. Jay Ty kept that damn road in pristine order. When the Confederacy seceded from the Union, Jay Ty made a comeback and got himself elected to the Confederate Congress. Before he could take office, he came down with a severe cold, claimed he felt dizzy, vomited, had a drink of brandy, and died. At his death, the United States declared Jay Ty a traitor and refused to hold a state funeral. Jay Ty’s wife, Julia, later claimed she had dreamed of her husband’s death before it happened. History does not record whether or not she considered it a good dream or a bad dream.
Image: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Tyler#/media/File:Tyler_Daguerreotype_(restoration).jpg