Potato Junior was the son of President Johnny. He was given the middle name Quincy because that was the name of the town he was born in. His parents were not creative people. Potato Junior spent most his childhood travelling the world and later became a diplomat for the United States, something for which he undoubtedly always found reasons to bring up at parties. Potato Junior was not a happy man. He was constantly mopey and depressed, probably because his failure of a father put a lot of pressure on him to be a success. This may be the reason why Potato Junior couldn’t find a wife in America. To solve the problem, his mother forced him to marry a British woman named Louisa Johnson, who had the reputation of being kind of a pain in the ass.
Because his father was always too busy being all political to ever pay attention to him, Potato Junior did his best to gain his father’s approval by being every bit as successful. This led to Potato Junior being elected president in 1824. His father showed his approval by dying soon after. The election of 1824 was very contentious, with Andrew Jackson winning the majority of the popular vote, but not the electoral vote. This resulted in the House of Representatives electing Potato Junior as president because old timey politics were just as screwed up as today’s politics.
Making Potato Junior president was probably a mistake. The man gave all signs of being certifiably crazy. Though he was good at making speeches, he pretty much did jack shit as president. Potato Junior had the strange habit of swimming naked in the Potomac River. This activity led to him being the first president ever interviewed by a woman, a feat accomplished after the aforementioned woman stole his clothes. Probably the craziest thing Potato Junior ever did was try to fund an expedition to the North Pole where he was certain a secret entrance to the interior of the Earth would be found. The expedition would be expensive, but it would be totally worth it when it opened up lucrative trade with the mole people.
In 1828, Potato Junior followed in his father’s footsteps by failing to get re-elected. He lost to Andrew Jackson because people thought Andrew Jackson was the least crazy of the two, and that’s really saying something. After his presidency, Potato Junior got himself elected to the House of Representatives where he spent his time making angry speeches and generally ignoring his family in much the same way his own father had ignored him. During a vote on honoring veterans of the Mexican War, which Potato Junior was strongly against, he loudly screamed, “No,” suffered a stroke, and died. Historians later agreed that having a stroke was a rather brilliant, but poorly executed, debate tactic.
Image: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:John_Quincy_Adams_daguerreotype_c1840s.jpg