Tommy, yeah that’s right, his actual name was Tommy, was born and raised in the Confederacy by a racist slave owning minister. Not trusting the Yankee schools at the end of the Civil War, Tommy’s father decided that it was best for his young son, a sickly boy, to be homeschooled, of which the family did a bang up job, Tommy not learning to read until age ten. Despite his beginnings as an illiterate idiot, Tommy went to university. It was here that he changed his name to Woodrow because he thought it sounded cooler and would get him more chicks. It was a very different time. With his cool new name, Tommy managed to attract the attention of a young woman named Ellen Louise Axson, who gave up a promising art career to be with him. They got engaged, but unfortunately the wedding was delayed by her father going insane and killing himself, which was hopefully unrelated to the coming nuptials.
Tommy really enjoyed going to university. He enjoyed it so much he stayed until he had a PhD in Political Science. Like most people with a degree in Political Science, Tommy then got a job as a university professor. This led to him becoming a university president, a promotion he celebrated by having a stroke and going blind in one eye. The stroke also turned him from a pretty nice guy to an impatient and intolerant asshole. So he pretty much had a movie villain back story at this point. To recover from his stroke, Tommy went to Bermuda and had an affair. For some reason, this affair convinced Tommy that since he had spent his career writing about politics, he might as well put up or shut up. He entered politics and two years later, in 1912, got himself elected president thanks to former best friends Big Lub and Teedie splitting his opposition.
There were two things that Tommy hated, big business and Black people. He promoted worker rights, but also promoted racist policies that strengthened segregation. When he wasn’t busy being a racist dick, he spent most of his time driving his car around aimlessly for no damn good reason and disappointing visitors to the White House by serving grape juice instead of wine. It was during this time that his wife died, an event Tommy mourned by marrying a woman sixteen years his junior named Edith Galt. In 1916, Tommy won a second term by promising to keep the U.S. out of World War I, a promise he soon after broke. To fight the war, he created an income tax, pretty much nationalized the country’s industry, and made it illegal to bad mouth the government. Tommy spent the remainder of his presidency going slowly insane, making irrational decisions, and throwing temper tantrums. This behavior culminated in him having a second stroke, which left him mostly paralyzed and blind. His wife, Edith, seizing a golden opportunity, refused to let anyone see Tommy, becoming the sole means of communication between him and the outside world. It was at this time that Tommy mysteriously switched his stance on woman’s suffrage, which led to women getting the right to vote.
Tommy didn’t do much after leaving the presidency, probably because he was pretty much a vegetable by that time. He continued to mentally degrade as time went on, returning to the blithering idiot that he was when he was a child. About his only entertainment was his wife taking him out on daily automobile rides so people could see him drooling on himself. Soon after leaving the White House, Tommy had a third stroke, which finally did him in.
Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:President_Woodrow_Wilson_portrait_December_2_1912_(1).jpg