In mid-January of 1919, racist ass hat U.S. President Woodrow Wilson arrived in Paris to begin negotiations to officially end World War I. It should go without saying that the war was one of the most devastating in history. Thanks to all sorts of mechanically assisted innovations in slaughtering people, some 18 million died, with an even greater number left grievously injured both physically and mentally. Due to this, avoiding future wars was a pretty high up priority for many people, perhaps none more so than President Woody. When Woody came to Paris, he brought with him extensive plans for what he called peace without victory. To avoid conflict at a later date, he wanted the Allies to basically chalk the war up as being everyone’s fault, forgiving Germany and not demanding anything in the way of reparations. He also wanted to create a League of Nations to arbitrate future international disputes, promote free trade, and move towards ending Eurocentric imperialism by giving greater autonomy to the native populations of various colonies around the world. This was all somewhat ironic, given that back home in America, Woody was a hardcore segregationist who had pushed the country into the war, and then basically ran it as a fascist dictatorship during the war. However, such contradictions of character aside, world peace is world peace.
Anyways, upon arriving in Paris, Woody found most of the other major allies not totally onboard with his plans, especially the prime minster of France, a monopoly man looking guy named Georges Clemenceau. France had been pretty well fucked up by the war, with nearly 5% of its population killed, including 25% of its young men, and the majority of its industrial capacity destroyed. Germany had invaded France twice in the past fifty years, and from Georges’ point of view it would be best to make sure that a third invasion never happened by turning Germany into France’s bitch. Georges wanted Germany to surrender wide swaths of highly valuable territory, pay a ridiculous amount of money in reparations, and agree to pretty much completely demilitarize.
It should go without saying that Woody and Georges had a hard time finding middle ground. Many of the meetings basically turned into screaming matches, with Britain and Italy, the other two major allies at the table, basically ping-ponging back and forth based upon who ever had the more eloquent argument that day. Germany wasn’t even involved in the negotiation of the peace treaty, because they were so down and out that their opinions weren’t even considered important. This crap went on for nearly four months, during which time pretty much zero progress was made. During this time, millions of people were dying, not of the war, but rather of the Spanish flu, a pandemic that would infect a third of the world’s population and kill around 50 million. It was called the Spanish flu because Spain, being a neutral country, was the first to admit to its existence when it first appeared back in 1918. Even after the war ended, most of the Allies were refusing to acknowledge the flu’s existence, worried it would weaken their position at the negotiating table. For his part, Woody never once mentioned the Spanish flu publicly, which makes the fact that he fell ill with it in April of 1919 kind of funny.
Woody had a bad time with the flu. While ill, he became extremely paranoid about French spies, and when he recovered he was a weakened wreck of a man. With the fight almost completely knocked out of him, Woody pretty much just let Georges have his way, which mostly involved kicking Germany in the nuts until they started puking up blood, metaphorically of course. On threat of renewed war, Germany was forced to agree to pay some $33 billion in reparations, allow some of their territories to be occupied by French troops, and openly declare that the whole war was entirely their fault. The Treaty of Versailles was signed by Germany in July of 1919. The only thing Woody got was an agreement to form the League of Nations.
Woody returned to the United States soon after, but he never recovered his health. The U.S. Senate refused to ratify the treaty, largely due to opposition by German and Irish immigrants and their decedents. Woody tried to go on a speaking tour to promote the treaty, but had a debilitating stroke soon after. He spent the rest of his presidency as an invalid, his wife refusing to let anyone but herself see him, which likely had nothing to do with Woody’s sudden change of heart regarding woman’s suffrage. The U.S. never signed the Treaty of Versailles or joined the League of Nations, instead signing its own separate peace treaty in 1921. As for Germany, the high cost of the reparations caused a significant economic recession and hyperinflation, which combined with Germany being forced to take all the blame for the war led to the growth of far right nationalist groups, which eventually culminated in Adolf Hitler and his Nazi party coming to power in 1933. Hopefully everyone knows how well that turned out.