Linda's life started the same as most women’s of the early nineteenth century, marrying a relative stranger at the age of eighteen to start pumping out kids. However, this life wasn't for Linda. She had dreams of becoming a doctor, and so, at age 31 she divorced her husband, abandoned her children, and moved to Minneapolis. Now, becoming a doctor is quite difficult, what with all the schooling, studying, internships, and licensing exams. Not wanting to deal with any of that bullshit, Linda instead decided to go into natural medicine and became a proponent of fasting to clear toxins from the body. She killed her first patient at the turn of the century. She was arrested, but the Minnesota courts found that since she wasn't licensed to practice medicine they couldn't hold her accountable. Now most people would look at this turn of events and think about re-evaluating their lives. Linda was not one of these people. Instead she started pursuing a man named Sam Hazzard, whom she decided was the love of her life despite him being a drunkard who had been discharged from the army for forgery and embezzling, and oh yes, he was also married. Not caring about any of these things, Linda convinced Sam to marry her. Surprisingly, he was soon arrested for bigamy and consequently imprisoned for two years.
While Sam rotted in jail, Linda spent her time writing a book on fasting which gained her national recognition. As soon as Sam was released, the two moved to the Puget Sound area where they opened up a sanitarium in order to put Linda's beliefs into practice. She believed that all diseases were caused by toxins that built up in the body and that the only way to remove the toxins was to abstain from eating until they were flushed out. Treatment at the sanitarium involved only eating a thin vegetable broth, daily enemas which could last hours at a time, and massages that more closely resembled beatings. On some occasions, these treatments could last for months. Despite the fact that Linda was quite literally starving people to death, the rich and well to do flocked to her to heal their ills. Many of those who went through the treatment reported an energy and exuberance they had never felt before, but only after they started eating again. People in the area, who watched the emaciated patients stumble through their daily morning exercises, nicknamed the sanitarium Starvation Heights. In four years at least fourteen people died, many of whom mysteriously gifted much of their fortunes to the sanitarium.
Things finally came to a head when wealthy British sisters and hypochondriacs Dorothea and Claire Williamson checked into the sanitarium. Claire died of starvation a few weeks later and Dorothea was declared mentally incapable fell and under Linda's guardianship. Help arrived in the form of an old family friend from Australia who was greeted by Linda, wearing Claire's clothes and jewels. The family friend was then shown what she was told was Claire's body, which looked nothing like her, and then taken to see Dorothea, who by this time only weighed 50 pounds. Linda refused to free Dorothea until her bills were paid. The family friend responded by having Linda arrested for murder. The trial that followed was as insane as everything else. Linda declared that she was being persecuted by the patriarchy and the Big Traditional Medicine industry. Natural medicine and women’s groups flocked to her aid, some of whom threatened witnesses and ransacked houses and law offices. Linda declared that the people had died due to being full of too many toxins to cure. The court declared her guilty and had her imprisoned for manslaughter.
After two years in the clink Linda was released. She and her husband Sam hastily moved to New Zealand to be closer to a group of ardent supporters. Here, she wrote another book about not eating, declared herself a dietitian and a physician, and starved more people to death with her quack ideas. While in New Zealand she was arrested for practicing medicine without a license, but was released by paying a fine, which would work out to $450 in today’s money. Over the next decade she became quite wealthy, which allowed her to return to the Puget Sound area and reopen her sanitarium. The sanitarium operated for another fifteen years before finally burning down. Throughout this period, despite state officials claiming they were keeping an eye on it, numerous more people starved themselves to death, believing that they were making themselves healthier. Given all this one might ask themselves why people would continue to seek Linda's quack treatments. The answer is simple, people were just as stupid then as they are today. In her early seventies, Linda fell ill, so naturally, she prescribed her own treatment to herself and starved to death.
Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Linda_Burfield_Hazzard,_FS,_DO.png