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Pantsuit was born in to a fairly boring middle-class family. When she was a little girl she wrote a letter to NASA saying she wanted to be an astronaut. NASA, apparently not having enough to do sending people to the moon, replied with a letter saying a female astronaut was a stupid idea. Somewhat upset by this, Pantsuit swore she would do everything in her power to prove that a woman could do anything that a man could do. Her first step in this epic quest was attending an all women's college. Her second step was to hook herself up with a womanizer nicknamed Bubba, staying an extra year at school just to be with him. As far as plans went, it didn't really make a whole lot of sense. Despite such setbacks, Pantsuit rallied on, gaining accolades, earning respect, and sparking predictions of a tremendous future law career. With such high hopes she of course failed the bar exam her first try, which she dealt with by marrying Bubba and agreeing to support him in his political career. Again, not exactly the best laid out plan.
For a time, Pantsuit tried to be an independent woman, working as a lawyer and keeping her own last name, but over time the weight of voter expectations (voters mostly being yokels in this case), wore her down until she morphed into the demure woman the American voter demanded. Bubba got elected president and Pantsuit learned to be a political chameleon, appearing as whatever people wanted her to be, until nobody, including herself, was really sure what she was. This made Pantsuit a very secretive person, paranoid to the point where she wouldn't even let anyone read her college thesis. She also got in the habit of countering anyone calling her a liar by calling them a liar, a tactic that worked amazingly well. Pantsuit spent a good chunk of Bubba's presidency claiming his many affairs were part of some kind of vast conspiracy against the two of them and plotting on how she could become president. Pantsuit wanted to prove to the world that a woman could president. Which was a very different goal than her husband’s, who mostly seemed to become president for just the hot chubby intern action. Pantsuit began her march to the presidency by becoming a senator for New York, a state in which she had never lived. She then ran for the presidency in 2008, but was beaten by a man whose spouse had never sexually harassed anyone. Pantsuit became Secretary of State, and waited around for her chance to run again eight years later.
In 2016, Pantsuit was sure she was going to be elected president. We’re talking so sure that she probably already bought monogrammed towels. To be fair, she was a poised well informed candidate running against a shaved misogynistic racist baboon who openly talked about groping women. How could she lose? Well, apparently she could, because she did. Some say she lost because over the previous eight years a significant part of the country suddenly became racist and misogynistic again. Some claim it was because she couldn't connect with younger voters. Perhaps it was the fact that her every smile seemed kind of fake and her every reaction a calculated veneer. Maybe it was because, like your grandmother, she had absolutely zero knowledge of how technology works (seriously, the woman doesn't even know how to run a desktop). It most definitely didn’t help that when a scandal broke out about her using private emails for official business, she decided that it would be a better option to have some people believe she was a Machiavellian genius rather than an out of touch luddite.
In the end, the election was decided the same as so many others, by a group of probably drunk laid off factory workers from the Rust Belt, who upon realizing that neither party really gives a shit about them, vote for whichever candidate seems like the biggest middle finger to the current establishment. Whatever the reason, Pantsuit hid herself away, wrote a concession speech she never thought she'd have to give, and now has to move on with her life. What is she going to do? Who knows, but hopefully it involves buying herself one of those Computers for Dumbasses books.
Image: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hillary_Clinton_(30129908473).jpg