(Sung to Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer)
Grandpa got group fucked by Santa’s reindeer,
Walking from the outhouse Christmas eve,
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But since hearing him cheer on Rudolf I believe.
Grandpa swore he didn’t know what happened,
That night out there in the snow,
But we all found it kind of suspect,
Since his pockets were full of corn and primo blow.
When Grandpa came back Christmas morning,
He told us not to give him any sass,
He didn’t want to talk about his hickies,
Or that piece of Prancer’s antler up his ass.
Oh, Grandpa got group fucked by Santa’s reindeer,
Walking from the outhouse Christmas eve,
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But since hearing him cheer on Rudolf I believe.
Now we’re all embarrassed about Grandpa,
It’s like he’s lost in a dream,
He keeps online shopping for deer calls,
And hiding in the bathroom with Field and Stream.
It's a weird Christmas now with Grandpa,
He keeps mentioning Blitzen’s rack,
And we can’t help feeling squeamish,
When he talks about Donner’s tongue
Licking salt right off his sack. (Off his what?!)
Oh, Grandpa got group fucked by Santa’s reindeer,
Walking from the outhouse Christmas eve,
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But since hearing him cheer on Rudolf I believe.
Now all the cards are on the table,
Grandpa he’s talking without fear,
He says he’s going to head north,
Cause he sure as hell can’t wait until next year.
I've written a letter to warn Santa,
Letting him know Grandpa’s on the way,
His reindeer can’t deliver presents,
If they’re all fucking Grandpa Christmas Day.
Oh, Grandpa got group fucked by Santa’s reindeer,
Walking from the outhouse Christmas eve,
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But since hearing him cheer on Rudolf I believe.